How do you know

How do you know it's time to shave your legs? When your child touches them and makes this face. Several times. The end.

Karma is a Toilet Bowl

Never one to let her mother have the last laugh (or 5 minutes of sleep), Beauty let me have it for that 8 hours of glorious sleep I had after I decided to turn off the monitor. In fact, she let everyone have it that she thought might be remotely involved in the conspiracy.  That's right,  the stomach bug took us down for the count last week. Mercifully, it came in waves so that no one person had it at the same time, and it only stayed for a short while but man did it feel like an eternity on that bathroom floor. 

Since having our little Beauty we've been no stranger to the stomach bug (or runny noses, or colds, or the various forms and sounds of coughs, or any other malady you can think of). If memory serves me correctly, (which it usually doesn't and that's a whole different topic) I believe this is our third household battle with what I consider the worst kind of plague to be brought down on the modern man. 

By now we've gotten it down to a solid routine in our household. I scream at the top of my lungs down the stairs (or into the monitor at the top of my lungs) for hubby to get his ever loving behind out of the bed (step 1). He then takes on the soiled bedding and I take on the soiled child. While this seems to work pretty well for us, it puts me in the direct line of fire for any residual bug that may still be lingering in Beauty's ever so delicate digestive tract.  Anyway,  you get the idea of what comes next... Mommy has taken one for the team 3 out of 3 times  (wait, who said this system was a good one ?) while daddy on the other hand seems to have gotten the mommy immune system I was supposed to have gotten when I gave birth (they forgot to give me the manual and third arm too). However, this time was different,  Beauty decided to be an equal opportunity sharer (we've been working on that) and bless us all with losing a pants size (Hey, silver linings right? )

So that's what we've been up to. Contemplating the meaning of life and the blessings of children from our bathroom floor. I guess I'll think twice before turning off that monitor next time and will maybe opt for washing the sheets instead.

Let's Try This Again

Where to start? How about it's been almost three years since I have posted ANYTHING. That's embarrassing {but par for the course with my self diagnosed ADD}. Here's the cliffs notes version : We moved, We had a baby {we can talk about that later}, and I'm no longer 25 as stated in the About Me section {we won't talk about that later}.

Life has definitely changed to say the least as evidenced by the events of yesterday morning below {and my subsequent decision that maybe I should be documenting the glorious moments of Motherhood}.

12:15 am - Baby "Beauty"{not so baby anymore} starts crying on the monitor
12:16 am- Turn off monitor

Glorious Sleep

8:10 am- 10 minutes late already. Walk up the stairs to get Beauty up for the day. Greeted with a familiar smell halfway up the stairs. Stomach sinks. This isn't going be good.
8:11 am- Confirm source of smell. Make a mental note not to make last night's dinner again. Moment of guilt for turning off the monitor.
8:12 am- Yell down the stairs to the Husband to get upstairs. This was a two man job.
8:15ish- Time gets a little fuzzy at this point. Dunk Beauty in the bathtub. Proceed to scrub and comb things out of her hair.
8:25ish- Sigh of relief that it doesn't seem to be that horrid stomach bug that has graced our house before*. Notice the stench has not completely left the hair.
8:35ish- Rewash hair in the kitchen sink
8:50ish- Hair still stinks. Pondering if MDO will notice the smell and make her go home.
8:55ish- Decide they will notice, not believe me that she's not sick, and send her home.
8:56ish- Douse her in my dry shampoo and hope that takes care of the smell once and for all.
8:57ish: Decide it's good enough

9:10ish: Realize I forgot to put on mascara {my desert island cosmetic}while driving down the interstate.
9:15ish: Drop off not so baby baby at MDO.
9:20ish: Burn my tongue on the coffee that was supposed to salvage the morning.
9:25ish: CVS pit-stop for mascara
9:30ish: Dry cleaner pit-stop in hopes of salvaging those beautiful bumper pads that I had made in dry-clean only fabric {I had forgotten to tell Beauty to aim away from those when she was sick, my bad}
9:35ish: Turn up Miley Cyrus to drown out the fact that I am almost 30 {I know we weren't going to talk about that}, and pretend like I am sixteen and will not be going home later to a house that will probably still smell like vomit...and last night's dishes because let's be honest....those are still in the sink.

So there you have it who wouldn't want to document these joyous moments in Motherhood?

More updates to come and I promise it won't be three more years...well I mostly promise.

*come to find out a 12 hour bug was going around the MDO class, oops. At least we weren't the ones who started it.